This will not be all sunshine, rainbows & happy endings, This may trigger feelings and emotions that feel close to home.

Although names, dates and details may be changed to protect the persons and authors, our newsletter contains raw and detailed stories of life within addiction and everything that goes along with the life.

We strongly advise anyone reading or writing these stories to engage with professional assistance when dealing with past, current or potential trauma, which we are more than happy to connect you with through our signposting page.
Please read our legal and privacy pages for further information.

Addiction feels so lonely, it's a battle takes place in your mind, and it feels like no one else understands. 

At first your the master of disguise, leading a double life, keeping it under wraps until eventually it wears you down so much that the mess starts spilling out over the brim, it becomes harder and harder to hide,  those that are close begin to see the cracks forming on the surface.

Even when you seek help, you try to explain but they don’t understand, they havn't been through it, no one does so , I begin to just tell them what they want to hear because what’s the point? they don’t get it, it’s just easier to push everyone away rather than have to keep facing the hurt and disappointment in they're faces.

But the thing is, it’s not that they don’t understand, it's that I'm the one that doesn’t understand, why this has happened to me? how do I wake up and my first, last and only thought is my addiction, it’s the whole centrepiece of my existence, you will beg, borrow, lie, use and steal just to feed this monster but, it doesn't last long and the reality is, I spend most of my time chasing for that brief moment of release. 

It isn’t that no one else doesn’t understand, it was me, I don't understand so how could i explain or expect anyone else to understand when I don't get it? 

Then I started writing, then all of the sudden I began putting things on paper, things that I didn't even know myself,

 For the first time I began communicating with myself and things became clearer, I began to ask and answer all those questions I'd blocked out. It changed everything for me, my relationships with my son, my parents and my partner all completely changed because finally, I was able to let them in and share things with them, this battle was no longer such a lonely place.

 Now I hope to work with others and help them tell their story. 

Welcome to Diary of an addict ...

We are not alone.